Darkest of Times

Well, I thought it couldn't get any worse, but it has. My last post mentioned about trying to win on a saturday, well I actually managed it for the first time in about 6 weeks, I finished the day after about 1.2k hands $10 profit, the downpoint was that I was only in profit due to one massive winning hand, I think prob my biggest ever, bear in mind that this is euros not dollars, it def made me smile for a change. Heres the hand

And that is that, the rest has been a downward spiral, kings running into aces at all corners, Aces getting cracked everytime I play them (apart from the above of course)

Over the last 2 months, I have played 26k hands and I have ran at -5.52 ptbb/100, when the previous 4 months, was ticking over comfortably in profit at 3ptbb/100 and thinking about moving up to 100NL, what a difference two months makes.

Of course the confidence is in shatters so I have decided to rebuild my game from scratch, I am definitely 2 nitty to be a big winner, but at 50NL I believe my current style of play which comes in about 15/11 can make a steady profit as long as you table select well, but thinking about the long term future as we all want to move up, I need to open my game up a lot more.

Its prob not the best time to change, but I think it is necessary, ultimately I wanna be averaging out about 18/16 depending on the table conditions of course.

Will prob drop down a level and only play a max of 3 tables, maybe 2 at 20NL and still 1 at 50NL.

One big of good news was that I was soooooo pissed off with the cash tables I decided to enter a donkament last night, the $20 $3k G on LuckyAcePoker on the pacific network, considering I wasn't really concentrating and was playnig Bejewelled the whole time during the tournie, I somehow managed to get to the final table with a medium stack. I then got lucky when getting down to about 12bb when I shoved with AQ only to run into QQ, but for once the river was my friend and the Ace popped out, from then on it went well and when we got to the last 3 I was Chip Leader on about 120k with the other 2 on about 90k a piece. Already guarenteed $300 I was happy, but $600 and $900 beckoned and I could do with a boost. The crucial hand came when I got dealt AsAd on the Big blind. Button folded and the small blind, an agressive fcker limped. I bet the pot and he insta shoved. I called obv and was chuffed to bollocks that the fish flipped over KdQh. The flop came 4s5s7s to also give me the nut flush draw. We were soon to be heads up................................but noooooooooooooooooo. The turn bought the Kc and I screamed out, "DON'T you FOOOOOKING DARE" of course we all know this is totally in vain and the river bought the case Kh for him to scoop the pot. "ooops" came the reply in the chat box. FOOKING OOOOOOOOOOPs my arse !!!!!!!!!

I couldn't belive it, to cap it all, I then pushed with A8 the next hand, and the fish snap called with KQ again and K on the flop and Goth was out 3rd. I was still in shock and not a happy bunny, but after reflecting for a bit, I did have my bit of luck with the AQ and as its only about the 4th tourney I have played in 3 months, I can't really complain.

I still don't know where I am really heading with my poker, we have booked a holiday for Canada in April next year which has come in at a hefty price and was really hoping that this years profits were going to pay for it, but as the only profit I got now is bonuses and rakeback, 1.3k is not going to go far !!!!!

Surely it must turn, I am a sucker for punishment, the money don't matter any more, its the challenge that I can actually beat this stooopid fish game. I need to take a step back and look at how I am learning, or in fact, if I am actually learning anything at all, or just blindly plodding on. Only time will tell, but for now, I am not gonna give up. July is gonna be another new start (how many of them do we have ffs !!!!! )

One day, the tables may fear me, but for now, I am just another fish in the pond.

The Cardigans - Higher

Variance

Hardly played this week mainly cos I am running colder than a penguins chuff. I thought last month was bad, in the first 8 days of this month, I was already down more than the whole of last month, in fact if I take the last two weeks of May, I have managed to lose my whole years profit at the tables in just over 4 weeks, unbelievably sick poker. If it wasn't for rakeback and bonuses I would actually be at a loss over the year, but somehow I am still $1.3k up, which is way below where I wanted to be.

Luckily my nitty bankroll management is keeping me alive and also reading "The Poker Mindset" has helped me cope with all that is going on.

Not gonna give up, gonna just try and concentrate more.

Thats it for now, lets see if I can get a winning saturday under my belt for the first time in about 6 weeks !!!

NIN - Hurt